Why I Didn't Direct Evangelion
by NeonProdigy
Summary: Read it if you want, this idea just came to me and wouldn't go away until I typed it. Title changed from Why I shouldn't write fanfiction


All I can do, is apologize for this beforehand.

Warning: Severe breaching of the 4th Wall.

-I-L-I-K-E-C-H-E-E-S-E- (anything similar to this is a divider)

Deep within NERV headquarters, a certain and very well known circumstance was taking place, as Misato Katsuragi and Ryoji Kaji stood almost completely still, waiting for their elevator ride to end.

"So... why are we doing this again?" Kaji said, fighting the urge to scratch his nose and waste money on animation.

Misato, also struggling to stay absolutely still, merely grunted and replied "'Dunno, some sort of big scene the directors are cooking up. They've gotten everyone to do their part."

-I-L-I-K-E-C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E-

(Gendo's Office)

The Commander of NERV sat at his desk, hands steepled in front of him. His Second in Command stood a little behind and to the left of him, with both hands behind his back.

...Five minutes later, they were still in the same poses.

...and fifteen minutes later, they had yet to move.

"Fuyutsuki, I think I'm stuck."

-I-L-I-K-E-C-A-K-E-

Shinji was sitting on a bench, listening to his SDAT.

-I-L-I-K-E-M-I-N-T-S-

"No! I meant, why are we the ones in the stupid elevator?"

Misato resisted the urge to shrug her shoulders. "How should I know?"

-I-L-I-K-E-P-I-E-

On another level of NERV, Rei and Asuka were waiting for the same elevator the two adults were on. Predictabally, Asuka was getting progressively more impatient. "What the hell is taking so long! Hey, Wonder Girl, do you know what's going on?"

Rei continued staring at the closed doors ahead of her. "The producers are having everyone do as little as possible to save on animation costs for some upcoming scene."

"This crap again?" Asuka sighed. "Well, they better not stick us in the elevator again."

"I believe that Major Katsuragi and Mr. Ryoji are actually doing that instead."

Asuka muttered under her breath about Misato and "her Kaji" before replying, "So, can you tell me what this big scene is?"

"I am sorry, Pilot Soryu, but I was ordered not to tell anyone." Asuka scowled at this.

"Hmmph, you really are just a doll, aren't you? You do anything you're ordered to do. You couldn't do anything impulsive if your life depended on it."

Rei's mouth twisted into a half-smile, before grabbing Asuka by the shoulders and pushing her against the elevator doors. "How's this for impulsive?" she said, before pressing her body against Asuka's and kissing her.

-I-L-I-K-E-T-H-I-N-G-S-

DING!

"Finally! I thought we'd never get off this elevator!" said Misato, as Kaji was stretching from having to stand so still for so long. The door to the elevator opened and...

Thud!

...Rei and Asuka, who were still kissing, fell into the elevator. Rei broke the kiss, leaving a shocked Asuka laying on the ground, as the clone of Yui Ikari shoved Kaji and Misato out of the elevator. As the doors closed, she winked at the two of them before pouncing on Asuka again.

Kaji and Misato stood there, looking at the now closed doors for a few minutes before finally, Kaji said: "So... I'm going to go find out where they keep the footage from the security cameras." He slowly started to inch away, before breaking out into an all out run down the hallway. Misato stood there for a few more minutes before fully realizing what he had meant by the remark.

"Hey! Get back here you asshole!"

-I-L-I-K-E-L-I-N-U-X- (not really)

"Um, I don't think that this is how _Neon Genesis Evangelion _is supposed to go." Someone remarked as the production crew watched the events taking place in the elevator on a big screen TV.

Someone else spoke up. "Will the budget cover this?" Everyone started turning to the guy in charge of money as he did a few quick calculations.

"Well... it will, just barely... but we won't have enough money to actually have humanity killed off in _End of Evangelion_."

The director thought for a few moments before stating: "We'll just change the script, no one will notice." There was a round of agreements as everyone toasted the decision... except the janitor who was sweeping the floor.

-I-L-I-K-E-D-A-L-E-K-S-

In a dark and spooky room in an undisclosed location, the members of SEELE were meeting to discuss how this new change of events would alter the scenario of the Dead Sea Scrolls. Or, at least they would be, if a strange whirring noise weren't filling the room, or if a blue police box weren't materializing out of thin air about five feet above Lorenz Kiel's head. As it fully faded into existance, gravity took effect, and the police box fell on top of the leader of SEELE, crushing and killing him instantly. The rest of SEELE watched as the door opened and a man walked out and said only four infamous words in a British accent.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor."

-I-L-I-K-E-T-E-A-

In the end, Gendo and Fuyutsuki were never able to move again, Shinji had an angst-free day, Asuka and Rei had HLS, Ritsuko and Maya also had HLS (despite not being mentioned once in the story), Misato beat up Kaji, Kaji has a dozen new bruises and a new favorite video (it was worth the pain), and the surviving members of SEELE traveled through space and time and went on fantastic adventures. And there was much rejoicing.

-I-L-I-K-E-H-A-P-P-Y-E-N-D-I-N-G-S-

A.N: Yes, so Rei was about as Out of Character as is possible, but I'm not to blame, this idea just came to me one day. The slight Doctor Who crossover at the end, on the other hand was all my fault.


End file.
